May 3-4. 2003                                     AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE!                                                                                  Selected

                      DESIGNING FOR THE SEXES…AND FAMILIES!

Families are Fragile! Conflict is Common!

*** Mk.3:25 “A home filled with strife and division destroys itself..” [Living Bible]

WE CAN HANDLE CONFLICT:

1. BY KNOWING REASON FOR CONFLICT!

*** James 4:1-2 “Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you. You want things, but you do not have them. So you are ready to kill and are jealous of other people, but you still cannot get what you want. So you argue and fight.” [New Century Version]

! THE SOURCE OF MOST RELATIONAL CONFLICT IS SELFISHNESS!

*** James 3:16 (NCV) “Where jealousy and selfishness are, there will be confusion and every kind of evil.”

2.BY GRASPING THE REACTIONS TO CONFLICT!

NORMAL REACTIONS TO CONFLICT:

A. “MY WAY!”

B. “NO WAY!”

C. “YOUR WAY!”

D. “HALF WAY!”

E. “OUR WAY!”

3.BY SEEKING THE RESOLUTION TO CONFLICT!

STEPS TO RESOLVING CONFLICT:

A. BECOME A BELIEVER!

*** Eph. 2:16 “As parts of the same body, our anger against each other has disappeared, for both of us have been reconciled to God. And so the feud ended at last at the cross.” [Living Bible]

! Members of THE Family!

B. TALK TO GOD ABOUT THE CONFLICT!

*** James 4:2 “You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.” [New International Version]

! VERTICALLY VENTING!

! LET YOUR PAIN CAUSE YOU TO TURN TO GOD

AND NOT ON YOUR MATE!

C. ANALYZE THE SOURCE OF THE PROBLEM!

*** Matthew 7:3-5 “You can see the speck in your friend's eye, but you don't notice the log in your own eye. How can you say, "My friend, let me take the speck out of your eye," when you don't see the log in your own eye? You're nothing but show-offs! First, take the log out of your own eye. Then you can see how to take the speck out of your friend's eye.” [Contemporary English Version]

D. SCHEDULE A PEACE CONFERENCE!

! CONFLICT NEVER RESOLVES ITSELF!

*** Matthew 5:23-24 (LB) "So if you…suddenly remember that a friend has something against you…go and apologize and be reconciled to him, and then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”

*** Matthew 18:15 (LB) "If a brother sins against you, go to him privately and confront him with his fault. If he listens and confesses it, you have won back a brother.”

RULES FOR A PEACE CONFERENCE:

A. CHOSE THE RIGHT TIME!

B. CHOSE THE RIGHT PLACE

C. COMMENCE WITH PRAYER!

E. CONCENTRATE ON RESOLUTION OVER RIGHTS!

*** Genesis 2:24 (NIV) “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

E. ESTABLISH GROUND RULES!

SEVEN KEYS TO FIGHTING FAIR!

A. NEVER COMPARE! D. NEVER CHALLENGE!

B. NEVER CONDEMN! E. NEVER CONDESCEND!

C. NEVER COMMAND! F. NEVER CUT IN!

G. NEVER CONFUSE!

! “ATTACK THE PROBLEM NEVER THE PERSON!”

*** Proverbs 11:29 (Living) “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.”

F. SWITCH YOUR FOCUS FROM SELF TO UNSELFISHNESS!

*** Philip. 2:4-5 (NIV) “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus….”

G. ASK FOR ADVICE!

*** Pr.15:12 “Conceited people do not like to be corrected. They never ask for advice from those who are wiser.”[Today’s English Version]

*** Pr.13:10 “Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”

H. DON’T GIVE UP!

*** Gal.6:9 (LB) “And let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't get discouraged and give up.”

! IT IS MORE REWARDING TO RESOLVE A CONFLICT THAN TO DISSOLVE A RELATIONSHIP!

“Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody.” Romans 12:18 (TEV)